This weekend my husband and I attended our high-school reunion. We were one of the few in our class who were high-school sweethearts and remained married. But that’s not what this blog is about. I didn’t expect to have such a strong reaction afterwards – and that’s where my title comes in.

As I wandered through the sea of unfamiliar faces, checking the handy tags that revealed the faces I would’ve seen in the halls and classrooms, I felt like I was taking a test. One I failed a time or two as my memory failed to remember old friendships. Then there were the familiar faces of those I envied, the popular kids. I realized something about them, most of them are extroverts. Who I wasn’t – popular or extroverted.

Then there were the athletes or jocks who also fall in with the popular and outgoing people. Who I wasn’t – athletic.

I wasn’t a bad student, but I wasn’t a straight-A’s-trying-to-get-into-a-good-college type of student either. I was proud of my B+ average. It was good enough for someone whose biggest aspiration was to get married and raise a family.

I was a gal on the edge of social groups, who loved to sing and write. I find that’s still true today.

When all the thoughts about high school, and what I was like, swirled me around for awhile, my thoughts turned in a downward spiral of who I’m not. I’m not comfortable in large groups. I’m not good at small talk. I’m not very accomplished or interesting.

The comparison game turned to my husband. Did he have more people talking to him? Where they more interested in his art than they were in my book? Would anyone even like my book if they read it. Have I accomplished enough in my life to be as interesting as he is? My unsubstantiated conclusion? I am not enough.

Isn’t that a lie of the devil? Why do we do that to ourselves?

Why do I crave these people’s attention and approval? Why does it matter if they like me or not? I felt like I was back in the awkwardness of high school.

It’s not like I don’t have good memories of high school, I liked school and there are some people I remain in contact with, mostly on Facebook, but none are close friends. Only my husband.

The next day, my daughter took us to her church for service. I don’t know how big a church needs to be to be called a mega church, but it was way bigger than our tiny rural church. It stirred this thought, whether in church or in high school, I can’t know everyone. I can’t maintain hundreds of close relationships. But I should maintain a few.

My life is not in competion with anyone else’s life. I need to make peace with myself. But peace is not stagnation. I’ll close with this:

I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

Philippians 3:12-14 NLT

Grace & Peace,

Sandy