Following the excitement and clarity of my plans for my future as my last few posts reflect, I immediately fell into my old pattern of thinking:
I’ve never been successful at any of my other ideas, what makes me think this will be any different.”
“I can’t make good decisions, and I always end up spending too much money.”
“I don’t know how to do this and it’s stressing me out!.”
“This is a bad idea, nobody would be interested.”
“I really should stop dreaming and work hard at my regular job, so that some day I will be able to afford to dream again.”
“If I pursue this it will put too much pressure on our finances and my husband will be mad at me.”
“It would be so much easier to forget I ever thought of something to pursue.”
“I need someone to believe in me before I can do this.”
“I can’t do this.”
“How stupid can I be to think I could make a living at something I would enjoy doing.”
I’m sure I could go on, but you get the point. Then I came to the realization that I have become programmed for failure! I swiftly sabotage any creative flow and sink to the bottom like a big ugly rock!
So now comes the challenge, do I continue in my old patterns, or do I develop some new ways of dealing with the unknown? Can I accept I will sometimes falter and yet still move forward? Can I seek out help and information when I haven’t a clue how to proceed? Can I be smart? Can I keep from “throwing out the baby with the bath water?”
I will say, “Yes!” Because I am changing and I can change. I may not have a history of great ideas that make enough money to retire on, but I haven’t retired yet.
3 thoughts on “I Don’t Want To Write This, But I Must”
Thanks, Bernie, I think I’ll take that advice! 🙂
You know I’m rooting for you, friend. You are a such a faithful and hard worker and I really respect you and believe you will be successful in God’s measure whatever you work at.