When it comes to stressful situations my modus operandi is to hide in my introvert shell. Which is counterproductive because that usually causes me more stress and just like that turtle, it stops me from moving forward.

One thing began tapping on that shell trying to get me to come out, today’s Bible plan reading.

In the Bible plan the author spoke about two life-shaping experiences; favor and rejection. To an introvert like me, both of those are stressful. Favor because it raises expectations, and rejection because it confirms the inner dialogue that constantly points out my shortcomings. (These were my thoughts, not expressed in the reading plan.)

This puts me in a spot when it comes to the two things I want to be good at—writing and singing. I have a natural talent for both and with effort, education, and practice, I’m becoming better and more confident. But as soon as someone has something good to say I immediately respond by pointing out my mistakes, and my response to rejection? I rarely get that far because I pull back and hide before I can be rejected.

Fear of rejection, fear of pain, fear of appearing foolish or uneducated—these keep me from making phone calls, setting up appointments, or socializing. And fear of favor, fear of success, or praise shackles me because I don’t want people to be disappointed when they count on me to do well and they find out there is a seven-year-old girl living inside this sixty-seven-year-old body.

One of my songs for this past year was one we sang at church on Sunday: Made for More. It has been a call for me to believe that God can use me beyond my limitations, beyond my dragging feet, if I would but trust he knows what he is doing when it comes to my life. To believe that I am good enough in this moment for what he has planned, because my only requirement is my relationship with him.

You light a lamp for me. The Lord, my God, lights up my darkness. In your strength I can crush an army; with my God I can scale any wall. God’s way is perfect. All the Lord’s promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to him for protection. For who is God except the Lord? Who but our God is a solid rock? God arms me with strength, and he makes my way perfect.‬‬

Psalms‬ ‭18‬:‭28‬-‭32‬ ‭NLT

As I get closer to publishing my first novel, I find excitement and fear, anxiety and hope. Depending on the day, I am either ready to face the challenge or withdrawing into my shell. But each step forward is further than I’ve been before.

If you can relate, don’t retreat. God loves you and is working in your life even when you don’t feel him.

This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.‬‬

Joshua‬ ‭1‬:‭9‬ ‭NLT

Grace & Peace,

Sandy

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