Today as I woke, I rolled over clinging to the idea that I wanted to linger in bed. Aware of the routine I have been trying to maintain to help me stay disciplined in attaining my goals, I didn’t want to force myself to get up and start. When I finally made it out of bed, I had decided I would just stay in my robe and slippers, have a cup of tea, and read my book. I would deal with my routine later when I felt like it. But at every turn, I was confronted with things I needed to do. This was not working out and I ended up stewing in my sour mood.
Knowing my commitment to write this blog today, I allowed the Holy Spirit to begin speaking to my situation. I realized I was having a tantrum. I recognized this was a common behavior of mine. (I’m laughing right now as the song I had playing came to my attention: Called Me Higher sung by Olivia Parker.)
Don’t we all have times like this when we don’t want to be grown-up? Maybe we didn’t sleep well or we feel sick. Maybe we have pressure at work or we’ve had an argument with our spouse. Maybe the dog has been barking or the kids have had their own tantrums. Maybe sometimes we don’t have a good excuse.
I started asking questions. What is a tantrum, really? What is at the root? Why am I having a tantrum? Is there something I can learn about myself? What can I learn about God?
The answers started coming. When I think about a child having a tantrum, they are usually upset over not getting something they want and they try to exert control by making a fuss. Was this my way of regaining some control? Was I rebelling against what I felt was Papa God’s control of my life? His expectations? Still, wasn’t my routine developed out of what I felt was his leading? A few scriptures came to mind.
I hear the Lord saying, “I will stay close to you, instructing and guiding you along the pathway for your life. I will advise you along the way and lead you forth with my eyes as your guide. So don’t make it difficult; don’t be stubborn when I take you where you’ve not been before. Don’t make me tug you and pull you along. Just come with me!” Psalm 32:8 (TPT)
* What I learned: Sometimes I can be stubborn as a mule!
We all fell to the ground, and I heard a voice speaking to me in Aramaic, saying, ‘Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me? You are only hurting yourself when you resist your calling.’ Acts 26:14 (TPT)
But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Romans 7:23 (NLT)
* What I learned: I’m not alone in this struggle.
This was a bonus one:
“What sorrow awaits my rebellious children,” says the Lord. “You make plans that are contrary to mine. You make alliances not directed by my Spirit, thus piling up your sins. Isaiah 30:1 (NLT)
* What I learned: Rebellion and resistance will rear up at times. It doesn’t mean that I am not being led, but it does mean I’m looking for control. I’m trying to do this my way.
What are my options? I can give in to the pull of the day and stay in my rebellion, I can try in my own strength to power through and try to salvage what I can, or I can let go. Let go of my control. I can sit myself down in my chair and put myself back into God’s presence. He is the only one that can breathe life into this stinky place.
Life is hard sometimes. We don’t always feel up to it. Thank God, he is there to help us!
I pray for the one reading this, Lord, that they may allow your Holy Spirit to speak words of comfort and encouragement. I pray they may know they can put their trust in you, enough to let go.