I Want to be Better Than I Am

I am laying here on the bed next to my granddaughter, hoping I can get her to take her nap. She is playing with all the pillows and starts putting them on top of me, I get frustrated and tell her she needs to go to sleep right now, or I’m going to leave the room and close the door! She replies, “I want my mommy!”

I don’t have the patience I had when I was raising my 5 kids. And I definitely don’t have the energy. I made the mistake of trying to get her to watch a movie a few weeks back by dancing with her to the songs. She loves that! Now every time there is music playing she wants to dance and especially to spin and be held upside down or lean backwards. I should have known better. 

I want to be better than I am and cherish these moments I get to spend with her. I’ll tell you a secret, I find myself getting anxious the day before she comes (I watch her once a week.) I’ve gotten used to my time to myself, I think, “This is my day off and I have so much to do.” And besides that I find myself feeling guilty that I didn’t do this for my other grandkids. 

Why is it that I have to revisit these feelings of being inadequate or not good enough, so frequently? We’ve  all heard the saying, “God’s not through with me, yet!” Have you ever thought “I wish he’d hurry up!” But I’m guessing I’m the one not paying attention to what he is doing and how much change he has already brought me through. Sometimes just taking a step back and refocusing is all it takes to turn my thoughts around. Like I did today. 

And just look at my little angel – she did finally fall asleep. 


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