I’m Okay, I’m Not Okay

Back in the day a popular concept was recognizing we were just who we were and that was okay. We were all about being real. The problem with that thinking, at least for me, is that I don’t feel okay, in fact most of the time I feel not okay. I am my toughest critic, and my worst enemy. More times than I like to admit, I sabotage any attempt at becoming the person I dream of becoming. I wonder if it is even in my power to be any different. 

I have recently been wrestling with the concept of God loving me as I am. Shouldn’t he be mad that I haven’t made more progress in my 59 years? Shouldn’t I have gotten things right by now? I think of the parable of the sower and question my faithfulness in what God has given me. Have I been foolishly burying my talents in the ground? Some days I loose sight of hope.

I have to remind myself – that while I was still a sinner, Christ died for me, Romans 5:8. And it is by grace I have been saved, Ephesians 2:8. There is no condemnation for me, Romans 8:1. And Phillippians 2:13, God is working on my will and my actions to bring them inline with his pleasure. So in short – I am okay and I am not okay concurrently. While it is true, I have not reached perfection, (nor will I in this lifetime,) I am not out of God’s care. He is infinitely more loving and patient than my mind is able to conceptionalize. So I will accept his love and his patience and be thankful, letting go of my negative thoughts.

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