Yesterday at work someone complained about me to my supervisor saying I was a b;tc#. My supervisor is new and has only been there for a few weeks and this is the second complaint she has had about me. I’ve been working there for 21 years and I can count the complaints customers have made about me on one hand, (or maybe two.) I didn’t feel deserving of the complaint, but it still made an impact on my emotions and I’m sure my supervisor is wondering what kind of person I am.
Now I am questioning myself and how I come across to people who don’t know me and what I am going through right now. I realize I need to vent and let go of some frustrations without burdening my husband and continually bringing all my negative vibes into our relationship. (Although I’ve really already talked with him about all this. I’m just looking for someone to say I’m not a b;tc#.)
I believe that company rules often come about because of people who constantly purposely cheat the system. So when we are required to sign a paper regarding those rules one day and the next we are asked to bypass the rules by the very type of customer who it was written for, how can you not come across in a negative way. I’m not trying to in anyway say I am right and they are wrong, I’m just saying sometimes we are between a rock and a hard place. This wasn’t even my customer! I was just asked a question! My supervisor said that I should smile and say I’m busy with my own customer and have them talk to someone who is actually in charge. That is hard for me because in my 21 years there I have often been the one in charge but times have changed and with back injuries I can’t work full time so I resigned myself to work fewer hours which puts me lower on the totem pole. There in lies my frustration, I am expected to be less than what I am. I can barely write past that statement because I think I just realized the truth for what it is.
It has nothing to do with the complaints and everything to do with my feeling displaced and uncertain of my role. It has to do with feeling out of control and with the anger and resentment that come and occupy that space. I need a paradigm shift. I definitely need to let go of what I used to be and what I used to do and I need to do the work I am given as if I am working for God and not for man. (Colossians 3:23) If I can find success in this area of my life maybe I can find success in the next area of my life. Bit by bit.