Dread, Defeat, Despair, and Disappearing

Dread, defeat, despair, and disappearing – this sums up my feelings lately. One day I’m doing well the next I’m in the dumps. If the medication was working I shouldn’t have such ups and downs. I put off my counseling homework and I really am just doing all the same stuff expecting different results. They call that insanity, right? I’m not convinced that medication is the answer for me, though I’ll give a little longer. I expect a lot of hard work and life changes are the path out of here. I contemplated the fact that almost all my interests involve me sitting down, including writing this blog! What I realize is I need to find something I enjoy that includes people and physical activity on a regular basis. But even looking at that makes me anxious. I’ve already decided in my head that that just won’t fit in with the way my life works.

Well, today I have counseling and it’s a good thing even if I’m not on track. Plus I get to go see a movie with my daughter (still something I enjoy sitting down but at least includes other people.)

Hawaii 2011 081You know I enjoy photography and nature, hiking might be a good option.

Well, I’m not going to give up on getting better! I have too many good things in my future!

Lord, Jesus, I know you feel far away from me right now, but I know that is just my comprehension being faulty. You never leave me. You never abandon me. You are faithful and true, and you love me with an everlasting love. Thank you for the reminder! Love, Sandy

2 thoughts on “Dread, Defeat, Despair, and Disappearing

  1. I so admire you Sandy! You are so transparent and vulnerable in front of all of us. To me this shows so much love spilling out all over me. I receive your words as encouragement to seek God’s will and for all that he has for each one of us. Thank you for being who you are and being an inspiration to so many. Oh how our Papa God loves us and works through each of us in a different and unique way to help each other. He has a special purpose for you and as you continue to trust in what he has for you it will unfold before you and you will see this miraculous transition further down the path.

  2. I know you will continue to seek and I know you will FIND…it’s a promise, right.? And however we can connect its always a privilege to hear your real heart like you so graciously shared here. Ps. so glad you got your own domain. You have valuable things to share!

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