Days like today I don’t want to even think about anything. I have a stack of must-do’s and an arm load of love-to-do’s, but even those don’t sound good when depression hits. I want to just curl up in a ball and go to sleep!
Although, days like today have become less stressful since retiring and not having to push forward. I can just chalk up the day to no expectations and see how it plays out. Today I had a visit from my eldest son, borrowing some of his dad’s tools. We had a nice visit, just the two of us, without distractions. That meant a lot to me.
I tried to understand what triggered my depression. Yes, it was a bit overcast, and my stomach was a bit off, but I had slept well. I began to wonder if it was the pie we had for dessert last night. You know the kind. Our granddaughters sell them for fundraising. They are just the right size for two people. So delicious! But I know I don’t tolerate grains or dairy well and I’m beginning to think that sugar is going to have to be permanently avoided, too. I hate the thought that celebration and comfort eating are not worth celebrating and are definitely not comforting. I will have to learn to find these in people and not food, cherishing the time together. Especially now as my parents are older and I face the fact that they will not be around forever.
Depression is illusive. I don’t always have an explanation, but I try to understand as best I can. But whether or not I have an answer I am thankful that tomorrow will be a new day and I give myself grace for today.