If God can clothe the fields and meadows with grass and flowers, can’t he clothe you as well, O struggling one with so many doubts?… So don’t ever be afraid, dearest friends! Your loving Father joyously gives you his kingdom realm with all its promises!Luke 12:28,32 (TPT)
I have been living in a time of questioning and doubt this month. Wondering if the right decisions are being made, by myself and with my husband.
I scheduled my back surgery. On the day I did this, I was beginning to feel better and thought I might heal without the surgery. I set the date a month off so I could give myself the opportunity to heal. Then the next day, I was back in pain and I kicked myself for not scheduling it sooner. I have floundered in doubt, questioning the rightness of my decisions every step of the way.
I get frustrated with doctors these days. Many times I think they put the decision on me, the patient, as to what I think will be right for me. Though I think it is right to make informed decisions about my own health, sometimes I wish they would say – this is what you need to do…
My health is not the only area of doubt I’ve been facing. If you’ve been following along you know my husband and I have been in the process of buying property and building a house. We had been pre-approved for a certain amount and have been making decisions based on that amount. Well, this week we were told we had to cut $80,000 from our budget because we weren’t planning on selling our current home until the new one was built.
Enter the doubt… Are we over extending ourselves? Are we making a mistake? Will we have to give up on our dream? Do we have the right finance company? Why did they back down from what they told us? Are we expecting too much?
The list goes on. Plus, doubt wasn’t the only resident in my mind, anger, disappointment, bitterness, depression, and anxiety to name a few. Oh! And let’s not forget the pain I’m in. It is unforgiving and relentless.
What is the real issue here? Fear. The reason we doubt is because we fear what might happen. Fear is the opposite of faith. Read through the scripture above, what does Jesus say? “So don’t ever be afraid.”
I see Jesus turning my eyes back to my loving Father. Whether I wait or have the surgery tomorrow, he will be with me. Whether we compromise on our house or find a new plan, he will still bless us. My hope need always rest upon his shoulders.
Besides, I am already seeing good things come out of all this. I just hope the end of my pain will come soon.
One last thought… I am not beyond having doubts just because I call myself a Christian. God is not disappointed in me and he’s not disappointed in you if you find yourself doubting. He just wants you to take your doubts to him so he can show you how much you are cared for. ❤️❤️❤️
Grace & Peace,