You are my refuge and my shield; your word is my source of hope.Psalms 119:114 NLT
Fair warning, this post is a little long and winding.
Yesterday was not a good day for me. My husband was sick with a cold and I was fearful that I would catch it. Feeling congested, exhausted, and having a headache, I just wanted to wallow. I sent a text to my Sweet Adelines group that I wouldn’t make it to practice. I didn’t even make the effort to attend on Zoom.
Morning dawns. I felt so defeated yesterday that I think I have nothing to give today. But, I’ve committed to writing my blog and I have a call with my writer accountability friends at 12:30. What am I going to write about? I think I’m such an imposter.
Thank God for hot tubs! A quiet place to let go and listen. That’s where Holy Spirit led me on this winding path, starting with how I had dropped my shield.
In Ephesians we learn about the Armor of God. It is our faith that we wield as protection against the enemies arrows.
Above all, lift up the [protective] shield of faith with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.Ephesians 6:16 AMP
This next verse shows that God’s faithful promises are our armor and protection.
He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection. Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day.Psalms 91:4-5 NLT
Our faith in His faithfulness.
When I dropped my shield, my heart was unguarded, leaving me open to arrows of fear and insecurity.
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.Proverbs 4:23 NIV
After acknowledging I had dropped my shield, the Holy Spirit asked me what I was truly afraid of regarding my writing. I immediately thought of the parable of the talents. Specifically the response of the person that was given just one.
“For it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted to them his property. To one he gave five talents, to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability. Then he went away… But he who had received the one talent went and dug in the ground and hid his master’s money…
“He also who had received the one talent came forward, saying, ‘Master, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you did not sow, and gathering where you scattered no seed, so I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. Here, you have what is yours.’”Matthew 25:14-15, 18, 24-25 ESV
It’s not the part that he thought his master was a hard man but that he acted in fear. Fear is my modus operandi. Not that I want it to be, but as a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) it is more so than not. I fear I will not meet God’s expectations. I fear my fear will cause me to bury what God has given me in the ground.
The last part of this journey was a memory of a time when I thought about the idea of just being ordinary. I thought about it like wearing a pair of ordinary shoes. But Holy Spirit told me those weren’t ordinary shoes I was putting on, they were running shoes.
Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence?Psalms 139:7 AMP
My fear leads me to putting on my running shoes, running away from what God has gifted me with, what I try to bury so I don’t have to face disappointing Him.
How do I proceed? First, I pick up my shield of faith in his faithfulness, I take off my running shoes and put on the Gospel of Peace shoes that look like shoes a creative person would wear, and then I get out my shovel and dig up my story from the desk drawer and get back to work.
Is your shield raised? Do you need to stop running and dig up your treasure? Maybe you need an appointment with the Great Physician because you have flaming arrows protruding from your heart and you don’t think you’ll survive. Whatever you need, God is faithful.
Grace & Peace,
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