Here I am. Stuck in worry. Again.
I want to share my journey with you. My struggles and my victories. Right now, I am struggling. I had thyroid surgery 26 years ago when a goiter appeared overnight. They first attempted to drain it. That was traumatic for me, as I tried not to swallow as they did the needle biopsy. They ended up surgically removing the right lobe because the results were inconclusive. Fortunately for me the goiter was benign.
Then three years ago I thought the left side had become more pronounced. I had an ultrasound and they discovered two nodules. No follow up was scheduled. Then Friday, I saw a lump about 2 inches wide. I could feel it pressing inside my throat causing discomfort when I swallowed or yawned.
I made an appointment with my doctor and made it through another ultrasound. The results recommend having a needle aspiration. I just want to skip to surgery because of the stress and because of the timeline with moving and my husband retiring. I’m still waiting for the doctor to refer me to an ear, nose, and throat doctor.
Normally, if this was an isolated incident, I might have a manageable amount of stress about it. But that is not the case. If you have been following my blog you know I deal with depression and anxiety, you also know I have a strong faith in Jesus, and that my husband and I are building a house on the coast. Well, I stopped taking my antidepressant and I was doing well with that until the worry hit. Plus, after I started writing this blog post, my husband informed me that the buyers had been rejected by our park managers. We were scheduled to close in a week. This was our second round. The first buyers didn’t make it through the finance process. The house project has had a few hiccups, but not nearly as stressful as thinking we may not have our house sold in time to move.
So do not worry about tomorrow. Let tomorrow worry about itself. Living faithfully is a large enough task for today.Matthew 6:34 (VOICE)
I like this translation of this verse. It acknowledges that living out my faith can sometimes be challenging. In my head I know not to worry, but the feeling isn’t cooperating with my faith. What should I do? Look here:
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.Philippians 4:6-7 (NLT)
When I start worrying I should stop and pray. What do I need? I’m supposed to be specific here. What am I thankful for? I’m not thinking about those things when I’m worrying, so I need to stop and think, and not about my problems. When I ask for my needs and thank God for who he is and what he’s done, he promises to guard my mind and my heart. I think he will guard me against anxious thoughts at that point in the process. I haven’t got there, yet. I really need this promise. I need to remember how good he is and how faithful he is. I need to remember his promises for my life. There are so many good promises to hold on to.
Will you pray for me? Thank you.
Grace & Peace,